


lost and found

by twistedsky



Series: ramen24 [10]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:29:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4614741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedsky/pseuds/twistedsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The human heart's capability to feel loss seems unlimited." During/post-5x09.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lost and found

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for some emotional angst/anxiety/depression, and canon death and disaster. A few lines taken from the promo for 5x10. The fight between Liam and Scott takes place in the library, which is probably not canon-compliant.

The human heart's capability to feel loss seems unlimited. This much, at least, Scott knows.

Now, Scott feels isolated. Lost.

He wonders if there’s a limit to the heavy, cold feeling in his chest.

He's been here before, but he's always had friends to back him up/

Things are different now. 

He wonders how this all got so bad so fast—just a little while ago, things weren’t so bad. They weren’t perfect, but Scott doesn’t believe in perfect days anymore, because they’ve all suffered and lost too much.

Of course, before the good days that preceded these awful ones, things weren’t so great at times either.

This, it seems, is just life.

Things are worse now.

And it’s his own fault, because somewhere along the line—maybe all along the line—he screwed up.

He's a screw-up, and he's not sure how to make things right, but he knows he has to try.

He has to find a way. 

He can't give up.

~~

Theo talks about him needing his pack, but here’s the truth: he doesn’t seem to have much of a pack anyway.

He’s an alpha without a pack—but he never asked for that, never asked for any of it.

Things used to be simple, when it was just him and Stiles getting into trouble, but it hasn’t been like that for a long time.

That was before Allison, before werewolves, before the pack.

His heart aches, because Stiles killed someone, and from the way Theo explained it—it’s too much, and Scott doesn’t want to believe it.

But how is he not supposed to, when Stiles stood there and confirmed it?

They have to draw the line somewhere. They can’t kill the people they’re trying to protect, or what’s the point?

Scott’s confused, and with his luck he’s made yet another mistake in a long line of them.

He's spiraling, and he has been for a while, and he wishes he had any idea what to do.

~~

The pain on Stiles’ face when Scott steps back from him, when he realizes that Scott doesn’t know how to believe him, matches the pain in Scott’s heart.

It shouldn’t be this way.

Scott doesn’t know how this got this bad, to the point that he barely even recognizes Stiles.

He barely recognizes any of his friends these days.

He barely even recognizes himself.

He doesn’t know anyone anymore, least of all himself.

He can’t look himself in the mirror anymore, and he’s not entirely sure it’s just because he’s ashamed of himself for failing his friends, for failing his _family_. For failing all of this innocent people who died because he couldn't protect them.

It’s more than that.

~~

This is the end.

This is failure.

Scott doesn’t even care so much about the failure itself so much as what it represents—more dead kids, more people he should have saved.

He should have done better, should have _been_ better.

And now he’s looking his beta in the eyes, and Liam wants to kill him.

It may be coming from a place other than murderous rage, but the result is the same.

“I’m not going to fight you,” Scott pleads, but Liam is a man on a mission, trying to save the girl he loves, and maybe Scott can’t blame him for that, not entirely.

He gets it, but they can’t do this. This isn’t the solution.

They need to fight.

“You’re not going to have a choice,” Liam says, and there’s guilt in his eyes, and his back is tense with nerves. He’s committed to this, even if it’s not entirely what he wants.

“I can’t let you kill me,” Scott says, but Liam is attacking him again, and there’s only so long that Scott can just keep trying to get out of the way.

He can’t die, because he’s not done. The Dread Doctors are still out there, and he needs to find a way to make things right, no matter what it takes.

And if Liam does this, it'll change him, and that's another thing that's Scott's fault.

“We’re going to find a way—“ Scott starts to say, but Liam takes a swing at him, and he has to duck.

“That’s what you said before, and you failed.”

The words cut deep, but only because they’re true.

He’s failed.

People are dead, and he couldn’t stop it.

Liam swipes at Scott with his claws, and Scott reaches out to block them, and then someone bursts through the library doors, distracting them both.

“Scott—“ Scott hears Stiles scream at him, and he turns to face Stiles, who is bruised and bloody, and his instinct is to see if he’s okay, but Liam’s still attacking him.

Maybe it's a good thing he can't anyway, because who knows if he'd be welcome?

Scott still can't stop thinking about Theo describing Stiles killing Donovan, and he still can't believe it's true, but he can't believe it's not either. 

“Liam, stop it—“ Malia is with Stiles, and she leans him against a table in the library before running over to pull Liam off of Scott. “This isn’t you. This is Theo.”

“Theo?” Scott and Liam say, nearly in unison.

“This is because Scott is going to let Hayden _die_ ,” Liam nearly screams, his voice hoarse with pain.

“I’m doing everything I can,” Scott says, his voice pleading with Liam to listen to him, to understand.

“Well, that’s not good enough,” Liam roars, and he moves to attack Scott again, but Malia wraps her arms around his, pulling them behind his back, holding him in place.

Stiles hobbles closer, hissing with every step.

“Are you okay?” Scott asks, moving to Stiles, closing the distance and helping Stiles stand. “What happened?”

Stiles is his best friend, and despite what’s happened, he can’t—he still cares.

You don’t erase a lifetime of friendship that easily, not really, even when things are at their worst.

Stiles shakes his head. “Theo, he wanted the pack.”

Scott's not sure what that's supposed to mean, but his chest feels tight, like he's about to have an asthma attack again.

This, after everything else, seems to get Liam’s attention. “What?”

“I don’t understand,” Scott says uncertainly. “What do you mean, he wanted the pack?”

“He’s been plotting against us. Tearing us apart. Planting doubt whenever he could,” Malia practically snarls. “I came across him trying to kill Stiles, and I—“Malia sighs. “I knocked him out. He’s tied up in the car. He was working with the Dread Doctors.”

“How do you know that?” Scott asks. “I don’t—why would Theo—“

“He admitted it to me,” Stiles explains. “This was his whole plan. He—“ Stiles turns to Scott then, raising his hand and placing it on Scott’s shoulder. “He lied about Donovan. It didn’t happen that way, I swear.” His voice is screaming out with pain, begging for Scott to believe him.

Scott looks deep in Stiles’ eyes, and sees the truth. He nods.

“I’m sorry,” Scott says softly. “I’m sorry I failed the pack,” he hangs his head in shame. Theo may have tried to destroy their pack, but he let him.

This is his fault.

“This isn’t your fault,” Stiles says.

“It’s not,” Malia agrees. “It’s all of ours. We failed each other.” Scott looks to see Malia staring at Liam, who is looking down at the ground.

Scott helps Stiles over to a chair and helps him sit down. He squats in front of Stiles, gently moving his hands over Stiles' injuries. “Are you okay? Do you need a doctor?”

“Yeah, probably,” Stiles says. He snorts, and then winces. “But first—“ he nods his head toward Liam. “I think we need to figure out what baby wolf over there wants to do.”

Scott stands and walks over to Liam, standing right in front of him.

“I know that I haven’t been the best alpha,” Scott says, a bit unsteady. He stops, breathes deeply, and tries to stabilize. “But I promise you that I’m always going to do my best. I’ll fight for you. But I’m just human, Liam. I can’t promise you that I’ll succeed, but I can promise you that I’d die trying.”

Liam doesn’t respond.

“We have Theo now. We can find out what the Dread Doctors want, and we’ll find a way to save Hayden,” Scott says. “We can do this, but only if we work together.” Scott looks at Stiles, and then Malia, and then thinks of the rest of their friends.

Scott nods at Malia to let Liam go, and then holds out his hand.

Liam shakes out his arms, and then looks around at all of them.

Scott doesn’t know what he’s going to do if he hasn’t gotten through to Liam. He needs this to work, because he’s not sure what he’s going to do.

Liam meets his eyes, and then reaches out his hand to take Scott’s. 

Hope blossoms in Scott’s heart, and he thinks they might actually stand a chance.

"Please," Liam says. "Help me save her."

~~

They’re lying in bed, because it’s been so freaking hard for so long, and they just need to rest.

“Everything isn’t your fault,” Stiles says eventually. “You can’t carry the world on your shoulders.”

“I have a responsibility to help people,” Scott says, and he believes that down to his core.

Stiles reaches out a hand, and hesitates slightly before steeling himself and putting his hand down on top of Scott’s. “If you do your best, and you fail, it’s not your fault when people die.”

“Isn’t it?”

Stiles turns his head to face Scott, who is still staring up at the ceiling, and definitely not making eye contact. “No,” he says, and he sounds like he believes it. “Scott, you’re just a kid. We’re all just kids, and yeah, sometimes we screw up and make mistakes, and that’s on us.” He pauses, his breathing uneven, and it’s clear he’s thinking about Donovan.

Scott turns to face Stiles now, waiting for Stiles to get his breathing back under control, before it turns into something worse. Thankfully, it doesn’t.

“And sometimes,” Stiles says, continuing, “We just come up short. You did your best, Scott. And I know things have been hard, and I know we’ve been through a lot, but you’re still a good Alpha, and a good friend.”

“I don’t feel like one,” Scott admits.

“I know,” Stiles runs his free hand through his hair, sighing. “But even if you weren’t those things, you’d still be my brother.”

Stiles squeezes his hand over Scott’s, and Scott breathes in deeply.

“It was hard,” Scott says, “Not talking to you, I mean. I—I don’t know why I let it get that bad.”

“It wasn’t just you,” Stiles points out. “I’m just as much to blame, maybe more.”

Maybe, maybe not.

Things may not be completely perfect between the two of them, because it takes time to rebuild trust, and the truth is that the lie about Donovan isn't the only thing that came between them. But they'll get there, because that's what they do. They're Scott and Stiles, and like Stiles always says, they're going to beat the statistics, and defy the high school friendship odds.

He has to believe that.

“We can’t let that happen again,” Scott says. “You’re my best friend, and I—“ he hesitates. “I don’t want to come that close to losing you again.”

“You won’t,” Stiles promises, and Scott feels it down in his very core. “We won’t let that ever happen again.”

“We won’t,” Scott echoes, and it’s a promise he intends to keep.

The tightness in his chest that he’s been fighting for weeks and weeks hasn’t quite dissipated entirely, but it isn’t as bad anymore.

Some of the pressure is gone, and instead of needing to reach for his inhaler, he simply turns his hand under Stiles’, and clasps their hands together tightly.

He’s holding onto what makes sense, he decides.

“Kira’s coming back soon,” Stiles reminds Scott. “Theo’s gone, the Dread Doctors are done, and we finally know what Parrish is.” They still need to find Lydia, but she could just be hiding out somewhere. The alternative makes Scott's blood run cold, and he promises himself that they'll find her soon.

“I know,” Scott says, sighing.

“We’re okay,” Stiles says, and he’s saying it as much to himself as he is to Scott.

“We’re okay,” Scott repeats, and he thinks back to the beginning of the school year, when they were worried about what came next, completely focused on the future, and terrified that it wasn’t going to turn out the way they wanted it to.

And that’s the thing, Scott thinks. It hasn’t, so far.

But bad things never last forever, and after what they’ve been through they know their weaknesses better, and they’ve come out the other side stronger.

“Hey, Stiles?” Scott whispers.

“Yeah, Scott?”

“We’re gonna be okay,” he says, this time more firmly than before.

Stiles smiles. “Yeah.”

His heavy heart feels a little lighter now, and it’s time to start healing, and preparing for what comes next. 


End file.
